A Different Christmas

Christmas was different this year.  Not only was it the first time that I felt like I was "going home" for Christmas, it was the first one without my cousin, Drew.

Drew loved Christmas.  Drew still loved reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and he still threw reindeer food and his face still lit up when we talked about Santa.  He was the magic of Christmas.

As with any loss, you have to learn to adjust to your new life and carry that person's memory with you wherever you go.  It's still so hard and my heart still aches everyday.

We started a new Christmas tradition this year in Drew's memory.  Prior to Christmas my aunt and uncle brought a small Christmas tree to the cemetery.  On the day we all went to celebrate Christmas with Drew as a family, we each brought an ornament to decorate the tree.  We also brought balloons and wrote messages to Drew.  We stood around his grave and said prayers before letting our balloons go together.  I couldn't believe that when we got back in the car, "It Won't Be Christmas Without You" was playing on the radio.

My aunt and uncle plan to bring the Christmas tree to the back yard of their home, where Drew used to run and play.  They plan to plant it next to a tree my uncle planted the year Drew was diagnosed and hope to continue this tradition for years to come.

This Christmas we didn't take a picture of the "cousins" because it's still just too hard.  Baby steps.